cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
