YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
