When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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