There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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