We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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