someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
