I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
