I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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