i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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