i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
