You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
