I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
