He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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