Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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