dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
