Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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