You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
