He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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