my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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