ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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