Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They have beer where we have blood.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
