Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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