You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
