We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
