I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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