HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would ride that face into the sunset
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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