So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sober January is a disaster.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
