Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
