Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
