I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
