what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
