i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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