addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
