I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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