Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
