I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
