why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
