I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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