she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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