literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
