I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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