Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
