Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
