any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
