you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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