i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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