recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
