the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
