This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
