omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
