it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
