I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
