i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
