He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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